


Faded Memories Are Still Memories

by JinDoriiiii



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: #KeepLipsoulAngst2020, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorce, F/F, I Made Myself Cry, The Couch - Freeform, alternate title: Lipsoul's House Design Ugly, i guess, i said no more angst but it had to be done, im so sorry lipsoul nation, lipsoul nation gc nearly kicked me for this, the chairsss, the spoons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-01-24 08:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21335005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinDoriiiii/pseuds/JinDoriiiii
Summary: "Mama, when will Mommy come back from her work trip?" Yerim asks her mother. The pair laying on Jungeun and Jinsoul's bed.Jinsoul puts on a brave face and says, "Soon, baby. Now go to sleep."Meanwhile, in a small apartment across the city, Jungeun lays in her bed. Tossing and turning, not knowing why the bed felt so empty. Not just the bed, but her life in general. Longing for something she doesn't remember.
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry & Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul & Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul & Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 29
Kudos: 181





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t easy for Jinsoul to see her wife in such a weak state. _Ex-wife._

Jungeun was the stronger one of the pair. She's the one person everyone in their friend group goes to for help, she's the one that people look up to. They had been friends since they were in grade school, Jungeun has been there for everything. She was the one that stood up to that mean boy that bullied Jinsoul, she was the one that punched Jinsoul's first and last boyfriend for fooling around with another girl at a party. Jungeun was stubborn, strong-willed and would do anything to protect those she loves.

When they were trying to get pregnant, Jungeun was the one that comforted Jinsoul when she found out she can't have kids. They opted to adopt instead. They brought Yerim home when she was just 10 months old, she was so small and sickly, but Jungeun took one look at the baby and said to Jinsoul _'She's the one that would complete our family, I can feel it.' _And she was right. Yerim was such a happy baby, despite being sick all the time. Now that Yerim three years old, she got sick less and is still as happy as she can be. As much as Jungeun tries to put on an intimidating face, deep down she was as soft as Jinsoul when it came to Yerim. _Their own little angel._

Jungeun was all of those things, yet there she was, broken and bruised, and hooked up to various machines in the hospital room.

A drunk driver ran a red light and hit Jungeun’s car from the passenger side. The car flipped twice, scraping against the concrete hard before finally stopping to a halt.

When Jinsoul got the call the next morning, her phone was the first to drop and her body was the second. She fell to her knees and stared at the hospital’s number on her cellphone; it felt like her heart was being torn apart.

She let out choked sobs and muffled screams, careful not to alarm Yerim who was eating her breakfast as the tv plays in the living room, cursing herself for letting Jungeun drive off that night. The two were screaming at each other downstairs the previous night and Jungeun stormed off with her bags in hand. _ It’s all my fault. _She felt every ounce of pain she could feel in those thirty-two seconds.

Jinsoul was the first person at Jungeun’s bedside in the ICU. Her parents picked Yerim up for the day, she was to stay with them until Jungeun gets released. Thankfully, Yerim understood that Jungeun was at the hospital and needed Jinsoul to take care of her. 

She held Jungeun’s hand, being careful not to squeeze her bruised hand so hard, but all the pain and anguish she felt for the brunette made her want to squeeze the living shit out of something—anything.

Her palm found the bars on Jungeun’s bed, and her knuckles went white as she internally screamed and kicked.

She was never the strong one. It was always Jungeun.

Jinsoul let out one last sob before she let her forehead fall onto the back of Jungeun’s hand. She gently rubbed her cheek against the soft skin, dampening it with her tears and refusing to let go.

“Jungeun… come back to me, please.” she sobbed. “I'm so sorry for everything.”

She thought of every fight they had, reflecting. Jinsoul realizes that it was _her_ that was pulling away from Jungeun and Yerim. That it was all because she wanted a promotion at the pharmaceutical company she works for. Under the guise that it was for their future. But what future would that be if she didn't have Jungeun in it?

"I'm so sorry. It should've been me." she sobbed even harder. "It should've been me."

* * *

Thankfully, Jungeun's coma didn't last that long but Jinsoul wasn't prepared for the news that came next.

She had amnesia.

That’s what the doctors told Jinsoul on the eleventh day following the crash, and it was also the day they announced Jungeun’s release from the hospital.

“We do not know the extent of the damage, but to put it short, Mrs. Jung… your wife has amnesia. She may have retrograde amnesia. Our observations are not conclusive,” the doctor said to her with Jiwoo, Sooyoung, and Haseul in the room.

Jungeun was being checked up on by a nurse when the doctor pulled them aside to discuss her condition.

Jiwoo was the first to speak, “So, how much did she forget? Does she still remember us?”

“We haven’t asked her any personal questions yet.”

Sooyoung squeezed one of Jinsoul’s hands, trying to comfort her best friend as best she could.

Of course, Jinsoul was happy Jungeun would be able to make a full recovery and was able to go home, but the doctor’s words of her condition felt like the finishing blow to whatever kind of hell she was in.

Under no circumstances were they to overload Jungeun with the information she didn't know. The worst-case scenario would be Jungeun never recovering the memories that were lost.

Jungeun’s eyes lit up when everyone filed into the room to see her.

It was a relief to see that she didn’t forget anyone.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Jungie,” Jinsoul murmured as she held her hand. Jungeun’s small smile seemed to brighten the entire room.

“It’s nice to see you, too, Soulie.”

“So, amnesia, huh?” Haseul muttered nervously. Sooyoung didn’t know what to say and so she kept to herself. As the eldest, she should have been able to say something, anything but words couldn't find her. Jiwoo’s heart ached for Jinsoul, Jungeun, and Yerim, but she swore not to say anything that could be considered an overload of information, so she too kept to herself.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Haseul asked.

Jungeun furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to dig through her mind for a scrap of information, but her memories were jumbled and hazy.

“I’m not exactly sure,” Jungeun answered.

Jinsoul’s grasp on her hand tightened ever so slightly as her heart began to beat faster. She was worried Jungeun forgot about Yerim.

Haseul and Sooyoung exchanged looks.

“What about the date?” Haseul asked.

Sooyoung nodded. “It’s a start.”

“December,” Jungeun muttered. Jinsoul’s ears perked up. “December 12.” She paused. “2013.”

Jinsoul’s heart sank. She wanted to run to the nearest bathroom and throw up whatever she had for lunch.

She couldn’t remember if she even ate lunch that day.

Jiwoo screwed her eyes shut and looked away.

“Well, you’re a few years off, Jungeun,” the nurse informs her.

Jungeun looked confused. “Why? What day is it?”

“It’s December 17, 2019,” Sooyoung said with a small, sad smile.

“Oh…” Jungeun’s face fell.

Silence fell; the only sound in the room was the beeping of the machines she was still hooked up to.

“That's a lot of years. Did I miss anything significant?” Jungeun asked with curiosity.“Anything I should know?”

“No,” Jinsoul said curtly. Jiwoo’s eyes snapped to the blonde in sorrow.

“Unnie—“Jiwoo tried to reason out, but Jinsoul cut her off.

She stroked Jungeun’s hand and then tucked a brown curl behind her ear. Jungeun couldn’t see it, but the others could; Jinsoul’s smile was so full of sadness, it was almost too painful to hide.

“You should focus on recovering. Get some rest while we fill out the release forms, okay?”

Jungeun nodded. “Okay.”

Everyone followed Jinsoul out of the room.

Jiwoo was the first to lash out at Jinsoul for what she did, “Are you out of your damn mind?”

“Jiwoo—“

“No!” Jiwoo shouted. Visitors, nurses, and doctors snapped their attention to them. With all eyes on them, Jiwoo was forced to suppress her anger and turn her frustration into harsh whispers. “You can’t keep something this big from her!”

Jinsoul glared at Jiwoo with bloodshot eyes and hissed, “You heard what the doctor said, Jiwoo. We’re not supposed to overload her with information.”

“Information, Jinsoul! This is not just information. This is you, and this is her. It’s not even just you and her. What about Yerim? Don’t you think she deserves to know about her daughter?” The words were like spears that impaled Jinsoul in the heart; she wasn’t even sure if it was beating anymore.

“She doesn’t even remember her, Jiwoo.” Jinsoul shook her head in distraught. “Why should I tell her if she doesn’t even remember?”

“She _ does _ remember—“

“No, Jiwoo!” Jinsoul yelled this time. “You heard her. Jungeun thinks its 2013. That’s years before we even got together! She doesn’t fucking remember. She thinks we’re just _best friends. _She still thinks she’s 22. Don’t you think that telling her that she’s now 28, is married and has a child counts as an ‘overload’ of information? How am I supposed to tell her that the last thing she ever told me was that she wishes that we never married? ”

“What are you going to do then, Jinsoul? This is _Jungeun_. Your wife_. _”

“I know.” Jinsoul clenched her jaw. “I don't even know if you can still call her my wife. She already signed the papers before storming out that night.”

Flashes of their argument played in her mind, Jungeun's words especially. _'I wish I listened to my parents and never married you. I wish somehow I could forget even loving you.' _And now, by cruel fate, it seems her wish came true.

“You can’t just let her go.” Jiwoo’s anger turned into sorrow as she rested her hand on Jinsoul’s shoulder. She didn’t want to see her best friends go through so much pain.

“I know…”

“If you let her figure it out herself, there’s no telling how long it’ll take. It might be months… years, even.”

Jinsoul’s shoulder sagged in defeat. “I can’t do that to Yerim. She’s already asking where her mommy is. I don’t know what to do, Jiwoo. I really don’t.”

As much as she wanted to cry, she couldn’t; she had no more tears to shed. She wrapped her arms around Jiwoo and let out dry sobs against her shoulder. Jiwoo held on to her friend tight and whispered words of comfort, no matter how ineffective they were.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha... i know i said i'd update in december but life happened :<

“This is my place?” Jungeun asked as she entered the apartment.

“Yup,” Jinsoul replied sharply, trying to mask her emotions. Her parents had Yerim for the day, so she had time to bring Jungeun back to the old apartment that they moved into before they got married. The apartment they first bought together, the apartment where Jinsoul proposed, the apartment where they first brought Yerim home. They don’t live in it anymore, but Jinsoul insisted that they still keep it in case they were in the area.

The apartment was spacious – it was a one-bedroom apartment with a small kitchen, living room, and bathroom. The apartment was somewhat furnished; there was a small wooden dining table in the living room with three chairs.

There was a small leather couch and a tv hung up on the wall. The kitchen was complete; with a microwave, a fridge, and an oven. Three colors dance around the apartment; red, blue and purple. It’s present in the fridge magnets, the knick-knacks on the shelf above the tv, the floor mats, the potholders and so on.

The bedroom was indeed furnished as well, the bed looked like a queen, there was one nightstand next to the bed, and one lamp. There was a large bookshelf across the bed that looked like it could fit countless books, but only 11 were on the shelf.

Jungeun opened the closet and rummaged through her clothes. They were all new to her. Her sneakers, boots, heels, and tennis shoes were laid out on the floor. She recognized a pair or two, but the rest were new to her. Though she wondered why the closet seemed to be spacious like there was supposed to be another set of clothes occupying the spaces in between.

“So, I have three bottles for you,” Jinsoul announced as she entered the bedroom. She placed the bottles of pills on the nightstand. She did her best to avoid the brunette’s gaze. “You take one of these every six hours.” She pointed at the orange-labeled bottle. “And one of these…” She pointed at the other labeled bottles. “…every four hours.”

Jungeun eyed the bottles and simply nodded. “Okay.”

Jinsoul nervously and cautiously stood in the center of the room, unsure of what to do, or say. “Do… ah… do you want me to leave? I could give you some space. If you need groceries, I can go get them for you. Maybe a new book?”

Jungeun knew when Jinsoul rambled. “Jinsoul,” she muttered.

Jinsoul stopped talking, but she didn’t look at her.

“Hey,” Jungeun approached her and reached for her hand. Jinsoul’s heart slammed into her chest when she felt the brunette’s smooth, warm palm press against her own. “Are you okay?”

Jinsoul nodded. “Yeah,” she managed to choke out. This time, she was able to face Jungeun. She promised she wouldn’t cry… not in front of Jungeun (or Yerim), at least. “I’m fine.” All of the love, the memories, the anger, and sadness were wiped from her eyes. Jinsoul was the first to notice that all of it – all of it was gone. Disappeared, as if they were never there in the first place.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Jinsoul nodded. In a last attempt to hide her feelings, she pulled Jungeun in for a tight hug. As she held the brunette, she fought back the tears that threatened to escape. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.”

Jungeun relaxed in her embrace and held onto the blonde. “Me, too, Jinsoul.”

* * *

“I can’t believe you just left her there.” Sooyoung shook her head in disbelief.

“What was I supposed to do, Soo? The longer I stayed there, the more it hurt,” Jinsoul replied as she curled up in her bed and pressed her phone to her ear, trying to keep her voice down as much as possible to prevent waking the sleeping Yerim beside her.

“Okay, maybe I can’t say I understand how you feel, but she’s not just your wife (_ ex-wife, _ Jinsoul wanted to interrupt _ ) _but your best friend as well.” Sooyoung always knew what to say to Jinsoul. “She’s counting on you to be there for her. I know it hurts, but she needs you. She’s not as close to the others as she is to you, well maybe not Jiwoo but you get my point.”

Jinsoul lay there in silence as she replayed her words over and over in her head.

“How long until she’s allowed to go back to work?”

“I talked to her boss the other day, the firm is giving her 2 months to recover.” Jinsoul sighed. “When she comes back to work, they want to reevaluate her. You know, make sure she’s still fit for her job.”

“Yeah, I understand.” Pause. “When are you going back to work?”

“I have a shift at the research lab in six hours. Plus I have to drop off Yerim at daycare an hour before that.”

“You should sleep.”

“I could barely sleep while she was in the hospital. How do you think I’ll be able to sleep now?”

“Jinsoul…”

Jinsoul didn’t realize she was crying. “She was always there for me,” she confessed. “She always took care of me… and I can’t even look at her without breaking. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“There is nothing wrong with you.”

“She’d hate me if she knew.”

“She wouldn’t. Well… She’d yell at you, but she wouldn’t hate you.” Jinsoul laughed wryly as she wiped the tears away.

“That’s where you’re wrong, you should’ve heard what she said the last time we talked before the accident. She hates me, Soo. And she’d hate me even more if she found out.”

“Please, Jinsoul, at least think about what Jiwoo said to you.” Her voice was full of comfort, sorrow, and worry. “At least think about telling her.”

* * *

_ “She’s going to find out,” Jiwoo told her. _

_ “Shut up…” Jinsoul mumbled in frustration. _

_ “Just because you moved her things from your guys’ house to the old apartment doesn’t mean she’ll believe you.” _

_ “I’m doing what is best for her, Jiwoo.” _

_ “What, by shutting her out?” Jiwoo replied in exasperation. “You’re acting like a child, Jinsoul.” _

_ “I’m protecting her.” _

_ “From what? From the truth? You’re being unfair… to her… to yourself… to your own daughter... to all of us. Think about what you're hiding from her.” _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahaaaa *finger guns and wheelies out the room*

At first, the days went by slowly, almost at a snail’s pace, but as soon as Jungeun adjusted and adapted to her surroundings, the days flew right by. Jungeun couldn’t place it, no matter how hard she tried, but she feels as if something important was missing. 

Jungeun’s recovery was going well. Jiwoo was the one to tell her about the firm’s decision for reevaluation, and Jungeun wasn’t surprised.

She had worked for Block & Berry for over seven years. It was only fitting they tested one of their best employees.

She spent the days rereading her books, revising every case that was assigned to her and going through her notes on the cases. On some days she relaxed; she would go to the store to buy some cleaning supplies and some socks, and would occasionally go out with Jiwoo and Haseul.

Jungeun learned about the things that she forgot, like how Jiwoo and Sooyoung were married, how Haseul finally divorced her trash husband and was dating a girl named Vivi. She also learned that Jinsoul adopted a sweet little girl named Yerim, Jiwoo insisting to show her pictures of the little girl every time they met. Jungeun couldn’t place it but she feels as though Yerim was an important part of her life. But she just put it in the back of her mind, thinking it was just because Yerim was Jinsoul’s daughter and Jinsoul is her best friend.

Jiwoo and Haseul were the ones that visited her the most, either bringing her food or just popping by to see how she was adjusting. She barely got to see Jinsoul during her recovery, with her taking on extra shifts at her lab and taking care of her (<strike>their</strike>) daughter.

“I miss you,” Jungeun texted Jinsoul.

She waited for an answer, but one didn’t come that day.

Jinsoul would finally reply the next afternoon. “I miss you, too.”

“Want to come over and watch a movie?”

An hour passes by.

“I can’t. I have a shift in the morning. And Yerim has an early day at school tomorrow.”

Whether or not she was telling the truth, Jungeun couldn’t admit how much it hurt to receive those messages from her best friend.

* * *

Two months has passed since Jungeun was released from the hospital, getting back to work was no problem for her. She was getting back to what she thinks is her normal routine. Which was; wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, go home, eat dinner, sleep and repeat. None of her memories are back and it frustrates her. No explanation as to why the bed felt so too big for her, why the weekends felt so joyless, why the apartment was too quiet and why her heart feels empty.

It was her day off and Jungeun was in the middle of cooking some stew when she pulled open the utensil drawer.

She dug around for a spoon, and found a red and blue accented one beneath a few chopsticks. She grasped at it and placed it in her soon-to-be-filled bowl, but her eyes couldn’t tear away from the pattern on the handle.

Red and blue intertwined.

_ “Jinsoul, did you use my spoon again!?” Jungeun shouted from the kitchen. _

_ Jinsoul was sitting on the couch in her ugly lemon pajamas, playing peek-a-boo with little Yerim “Maybe. Why?” _

_ Jungeun huffed, “If you’re going to use my spoon, at least wash them after you’re done with them.” _

_ Jinsoul let out a short laugh as the brunette’s sudden anger amused her. “It’s just a spoon, babe.” _

_ “It’s not just a spoon, loser. It’s my favorite spoon.” _

_ “You have a favorite spoon?” Jinsoul turns to a giggling Yerim, “Mommy’s so silly, isn’t she, Yerimie?” Yerim let out a gurgle, “That’s right, Mommy’s so silly” _

_ “Don’t make fun of me. ” Jungeun whined. _

_ Jinsoul let out another laugh. “That’s so cute. You whine more than an actual baby.” _

Jungeun couldn’t place a date or time on the memory, but thinking about it made her head hurt. And as soon as the memory hit her, the memory disappeared. Leaving Jungeun to wonder what it was that she remembered.

* * *

Jungeun shouts through the door. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

“Hurry up, the movie starts any minute now,” Jiwoo said from the other side. “Don’t make me go in there without you.”

Jungeun laughed as she walked back into her bedroom. Shoving open her closet door as fast as she could and reached for the nearest jacket.

Her fingers reached for the lapel and in one swift motion, she yanked it off its hanger.

She grabbed its collar and held it up; she was a second away from putting it on, but something behind the coat caught her eye. She furrowed her eyebrows as she stared at the small object at the bottom of the closet, a small purple shoe.

_ “Hurry up! The fireworks are starting and Yerim is getting sleepy!” Jinsoul shouted from the front door. _

_ “Hold on I’m looking for Yerim’s shoes!” _

_ “Did you check the closet?” _

_ “Yeah, they weren’t th– OH! I FOUND THEM!” _

_ “Well where were they?” _

_"They were under the couch." Jungeun walks back to Jinsoul and Yerim, Jungeun coos to the child in her carrier as she places the shoes on. “Are you ready for your first new year, Yerimie?” _

_ Yerim gurgles in response. “Yes baby, the lights will be pretty just like your Mama.” _

_ Jinsoul watches the scene in front of her with the softest expression. _

_ “M–ma” Yerim mumbled when Jungeun was done putting the shoes on. _

_ Jinsoul and Jungeun’s eyes widened, Yerim never spoke before. “What was that Yerimie? Can you say that again for me and Mama?” Jungeun asked softly. _

_ “Mama!” Yerim said with the brightest expression an 11-month old can. _

_ “That’s right, baby! We’re your Mamas!” Jinsoul picks Yerim up and peppers her cheeks with kisses. Jungeun couldn’t help herself and burst into tears. _

_Jinsoul sees her wife crying and brings her in for a hug. She places a kiss on Jungeun's temple and whispers, "I love you, so much."_

Jungeun stared at the object in utter confusion, a stray tear fell on her cheek. She was about to message Jinsoul but Jiwoo started shouting again and she was forced to forget about the shoe. Just like the first memory that came to her a few days ago, it disappeared immediately after.


End file.
